I have a Skype account I use to speak with several family members, friends and business contacts. I've adjusted my settings such that only people in my contact list are supposed to be able to contact me. However, three or four times per month I get contact requests from people I don't know. I usually just block these, but have decided to document some of them.
My latest catfishing attempt is from a persona named “Almond James”. His profile photo shows a caucasian male, kneeling on a floor in what looks like a small kitchen, smiling as he holds a dog upright on its hind legs. He's an English-speaking caucasian male from the US, according to his bio. This is the contact request message as written:
"Hello nice lady, I'm Almond James am looking for a life partner,kind loving lady who accept me the way i am, I am nice well cultured gentleman,nice attitude and simple personality.Most people say am fun to be with.i just went through your profile,i like things about you.i see your very beautiful and i have interest in knowing more about you,sorry but am new on dating site, i will be glad to send my pictures via email if you give me yours, you can contact me with my email (jamesalmond805@yahoo.com) i look forward to a new beginning with you.. with lots of respect. thanks Almond James"
Well, that's sweet.
Dear Almond,
You are a nut! I am impressed by the way you boldly and blindly grope about in the dark recesses of the internet for a life partner. Unfortunately, you have mistakenly assumed that I could accept you the way you are. You have introduced yourself to me in a paragraph of shattered English, implying sad frustration awaiting me (and you) every time I received your cards and love notes. I am afraid of what my constant corrections might do to your simple personality over time.
You say you "went through my profile" and "like things about (me)". I guess the part about being female gets a lot of positive attention! Thanks, I didn't have to work on that at all!!
I will have to reject your contact request for many reasons, the least of which is because of your on-again, off-again affair with articles. But... I do like your tendency towards the e.e.cummings lowercase "i". That is, when you choose to do it. Maybe your Shift key works only intermittently. I have burning questions about you that will not be answered, such as "Why do you tie up your cupboard doors?" and "Is this contact request written on the dog's behalf?" Now it will all be left to conjecture.
Thank you,for writing me. i regret i cannot accept you're kind offer this time.or anytime.i have no interest for new beginning with you.but my husband and i are interested in adopting a dog, we will send pictures of are back yard. If the dog is interested... with lots of kind loving pats on his head. thanks, Trace
